I always felt that there's nothing secure in life.

It feels great to acquire something that's great - in my case, fifty thousand dollars to go to New York in the best, and I emphasize once again, THE BEST culinary school out there.  However, since it is of great value, the cost of its protection or maintenance is really high as well, as I can't screw up in school (3.0 or higher), and deal with an internship here.

As much as I hate to admit it, I've always lived the life of an athlete -  fine, I'm a big guy who's played three sports and somewhat adept at them that I have the ability to name some, if not all teams in any sport of your choice. (minus rugby, soccer, or "football").  I also have the ability to coach in these sports, and play at least three or four of them if I was given the position that I desired.

I've always read these stories of how they became great success stories where some came out of poverty, overcoming adversity, resilience, and for overcoming that kind of struggle, they were rewarded greatly for hard work, perspiration and passion.

But there's always another side to the story:  There are athletes who are out there and take their talent for granted, and it goes to waste, because they don't have what those "success stories" had.  There is some speculation that the people in these side are those rich folks where daddy taught them basketball and sent them to basketball camps and suddenly became great. 

To be completely honest, being a non-believer in a solid reason has hindered me from doing things that I really want to do.

For instance, to be really honest, I really couldn't find any words to say when the CIA essay asked me for what got me in the food industry.  If I said that I watched Top Chef's series premiere on a bored night as an underachieving high school sophomore, it doesn't put off a great impression as these people in the CIA would kill for those who are more passionate than I am.

It's as if that day, I was questioning who I really am and what I could have done now.  My friends are gone to UC's, out of state colleges, struggling in physics or paying for bullshit classes or seminars like Oceanology, and reality's starting to hit me only in this moment (since I know this feeling would be gone after I purge everything out).

At the end of the day, I really don't want my life to change.  I've met good people along the way, and as much as I don't have the Anthony Bourdain material (which I happen to love reading) for the CIA to read, there's a rhyme for every reason.  At the end of the day, as far as my friends are ahead of their college expereinces, I'll catch up to them.