Collegiate Blues

There is something about anxiety that removes the bliss of anything in our lives.

I just got paid today, I just got a laptop, I should be happy. But instead, here I am thinking about having to maintain a 3.0 in El Camino so that I could still go to the Culinary Institute of America, unscathed from debt with a sixty grand scholarship at hand.

I'm so anxious to start college that if I get my first piece of homework, I'll do it right away, and if I ever looked at the syllabus and the professor said that the test is this day, I'll study hard for it. I mean, that's the only solution to this problem of nervousness and anxiety where I don't know what to expect, and I don't know what to do next, and I hate that feeling.

I mean, what are the odds of failing especially if you meet twice a week, for two hours a day? Slim? Fat? What, are we talking about people now?

But in all seriousness, I've been thinking about responsibility and I keep wanting it, but I keep avoiding it, much like wanting a girlfriend but not exactly dating anyone because she's not pretty enough or she doesn't have a palate for good ice cream.

I went to Best Buy today, and my mom ever so desperately wanted me to get a credit card. Idiot here (myself) decides to put an estimate on his income at about 10,000 dollars a year, which I totally hope isn't, and maybe that's the primary cause for me not getting it. What's worse is that they suggested the co-sign option, which basically tells someone that if you screw up, you take your co-signer down with you.

I don't want that.

But really, would you say that it was trying to avoid responsibility because I didn't want to harm my mother on the process, or am I really just biting off more than I could chew with this whole responisiblity thing...

See what anxiety does to you? It drives you nuts.

One more week. I'm stoked.