Bent On Emotion

There are so many things to say,  There was a lot of room and time to say it. 

But, why this way?

I don't like secrets at all.  We are not five years old here.

I don't even know what to say, what to type, or hell, what to feel.

I don't even know if I felt this much for a friend before, but god-damn it, I do.

Look, I've said it once, and I'll say it again,  we are not five years old, and I think, that there is a much better way to resolve things.

Like, telling me straight.

I'm not going to disclose any names here, out of due respect, but let God help you if you figure it out.

I know that one of my goals in Youth and Government is to learn about the process of government itself, although it's really a HUGE state-wide party.

The reason how I knew you to begin with was I simply added you on Facebook, and I thought that was that.

Then, we strike a friendship, and like the many other relationships that I had with people, I pretty much kept it straight and normal.

Okay, except for that one when I lied about the relationship thing, but that's a joke that usually slips easily.

Like friendships, I believe that friends should communicate for the sake of friendship, keeping up, or whatever friends do, like hang out, etc. etc. etc, list goes on, yadda squared.

I am simply writing this because I felt like I've been cold shouldered at the time when it's not supposed to happen.  It's the holidays, it should be full of joy, and other variations of happiness that comes with it.

Yeah, every time I tried to talk to you in every form possible outside of YnG, nothing really happens, and I kind of wanted that to change, but I guess that didn't happen either.

Whatever this thing that is going us between then and now, and I don't know what I did then, this sucks.  

I at least want to talk, and even if you tell me that you don't want to talk to me anymore I'd still appreciate it more than just not talking to me straight and having to find out from someone else.

A Basket of Apples.

This is a bit premature for me to write, but I don't think the content of this blog will change soon.

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Anyone familiar with these lines? :

"This is the true story of seven strangers picked to live in a house, work together and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real"

That one ought to be easy. It's pop culture.

With that fact at hand, let me twist it a bit.

"This is the story of many strangers, who chose to go to the same school, work together, but not have their lives taped. However, they will find out what happens when the school fucks up, and start getting real.

High school is one of those many things that can be chained to many comparisons, such as The Real World (quote above), or shopping for apples.
Yes, Shopping for apples

Before I go on, I must thank a friend for inspiring me for this one.

The beginning years are pretty much seeing inside the box. It's just a simple stack with a bunch of apples, and you have no idea whether or not these apples are actually good or not. And this is when judgement comes in.

Sometimes, a person or two would come along to influence your decisions. In this case with the apples, I would say the vendor itself. The vendor tries to tell you what to get and what not to get, because it might be out of season, or it sees a flaw somewhere.

To shorten this one up a bit, In the end, you pick out the apples that you like and don't like, whether it had flaws on them or not because you see that these flaws can be easily fixed. Flaws included are brown spots on the skin. Anyone can remove that with a paring knife. Too sour? Cook it with sugar. Hell, anyone can have a liking to sour things.

As for the title, here are the apples on my basket.

1. This apple, I picked right out of the top of the box, and I'm happy I made this pick. I met this person in summer school, way before freshman year started, and writing about him would simply make this a daunting task.

2. This apple, I also met at summer school, freshman year. First person beat him by a couple days. I would call this apple tight, since he likes those kind of things. Apparel, space in his car, and a house. And did I mention his personality?

3. This apple, I recently picked out at the end of the box. He never thought that I'd be friends with him, but I guess things happen for a reason. This apple loves to party, as evidenced by his excitement on throwing the Roscoe's party. Which now reminds me to wear my Roscoe's shirt one of these days. Then again, it's too cold.

4. This apple, I swear, I made a really wrong first impression of. However, as time went by, We became close, although our bond is slowly going gone by the minute, if it weren't for practice. This reminds me again to just talk to him.

5. Like the fourth apple, I met this person through tennis. He's tall, he's cool, he plays the trumpet or the trombone, I don't know which. Either way, he has a certain swagger that I like, although I can't put my finger on it.

6. I don't ever think that a hairy apple would exist. If that were the case, that would be a lychee, and it would be out of it's league, even though it's freakishly sweet. I love lychees, btw. As for the reason why he's one of the apples is that he says the unexpected, and as much as I hate suprises or anything of the sort, I actually love his.

7. This person was a part of me and the second apple in Algebra 2, and got the three highest scores there. Funny thing is, we all got below averages on our STAR scores, and we were able to laugh about it. That, and I think he's the only one to hear me sing a cappella.

8. This person during the summertime can definitely entertain, as we have had conversations that lasted three hours, which... god knows what they are. This person was the inspiration for this, and I know that if I simply wanted to talk to someone and no one else was on, it would be this person.

9. This person, I frequently talk tennis with. I wish we can get out of it and talk about other things. Other than that, we pretty much have a shitload in common, I.E being a filipino and having a pomeranian as a pet. Because of him, sentences that were not meant to be by my accents became what they are now. 

10. This person I met in YnG. She made me change my perspective on how to debate, which is why I was freakin' amazing at BOB one during the debates. That, and I actually like to laugh at her videos whenever necessary.

11. This person, I also met in YnG. We don't talk too much, but the bond of friendship is totally there. Like apple number seven, I wish it can get beyond tuesdays, because it would be interesting as to what could happen.


Eleven Apples. That's fair enough. I remember the challenge in Top Chef, before entering the TC kitchen itself, they already brought out the heat and had people peeling, slicing apple to brunoise, and cooking the apples. Watch the episode yourself, since it was really out of whack.

I wonder what you can make with Eleven Apples. Any suggestions?

Maturing like wine. Fine Wine.

"A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably"

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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I believe that maturity is not a measure of age. Maturity is a measure of deeds done by people.

There is no one to be put up in the spot here, as all of us claim we are mature, and we as well have our tendencies to be immature.

Who doesn't?

I believed in the past that being eighteen is the real switch for maturity. Like a light, you flip the switch, it just stays on forever.

Apparently, it didn't turn that way.

I still acted the same seventeen year old that I was, saying things without thinking about it.

Now that I think about it, I really do think that it's better for my parents to correct me rather than my friends, or two of them for the matter.

My mother always told me to watch my mouth. I do, but there comes a time and a place for everything. Maybe one of the THREE (not two, realizing) said that there was a time and a place for me to talk, and maybe it's nowhere. This person, I'll partially believe, because some things that I say are totally irrelevant to the subject. The reason why I partially do not believe this person is because that I know I can talk anywhere I want to (which is a total given for anyone, considering it is a right and not a privilege), except I just have to find the right time to do so.

As I am typing this, I slowly am realizing things, and I'm actually happy that I am doing so, only because.

Okay, I'm losing focus.

The reason that I do things that I do is that I never know what impression I throw to people. Well, for the most part I don't, and this is where two of the three people who criticized me low-key for immaturity connect together.

One person said that I was a total idiot at spring conference. As much as I stand behind my delegation and some people that Spring Conference is a laid back version of YnG, it is also the VERY VERY first impression that people get from joining YnG. It's pretty much like an appetizer at your very first elegant restaurant, where appetizers can be as expensive as a main course at Chili's. With that said, what am I looking up there like an idiot, throwing legitimate, yet stupid allusions to Bob Ewell, or a bloodbath? Is this the impression that I want people to see? 

Apparently not.

With that said, I'll follow a thirty second rule that another friend has told me to do. Maybe it is a truly good advice to receive at this point of time before going to BOB 1, considering that it would be bigger than spring conference. With that advice, I probably could say a lot of things way better, and I wont be perceived as an idiot.

This would be my last words for now, as I am surrounded by noise, and that really does irk me.

A Crazy Bad Letter

I will be copying this word per word as I wrote it in English Class.

----------------------------------------------

What totally ticks me off these days is that people cannot be opinionated.  Sure, being opinionated might come off to some as being rude, but that is the hidden agenda of being such a person.

I personally do not know what kind of impression that I throw at people.  I don't try very hard to fit in, as I am just myself.  Being myself and knowing myself in the process in my four years of high school has found me the people that I truly want to hang out with.  Through these people, I learn various things, usually in the area of politics, or that of being an asshole.  If I do let out that first impression, then I let people lean with it and rock with it.  If people don't like me because of that sole impression, then you won't like me overall as a person, since you automatically judged me that way, not giving me a second or a third chance to at least redeem myself, or starting over with a clean slate.

Speaking of clean slates, I have moved on from the past.  Well, the bad part of my past at least.  With that said, I have been trying and trying to start a new one with you, but apparently I don not get that chance because you continually hang out with pricks like that moor, or that blonde who claims herself attractive, but can't hold a candle of dignity or self esteem to Lamont.

Yes, I said it, and go ahead and let her read this as well if you want to.  I'd rather know someone who has pride on his burnt chicken rather than knowing someone who has a pretty face, and no personality or self esteem to back it up with.

Speaking of rude once again, I don't know how the hell have I have been rude to you for this last week.  Hell, I have not had a connection with you for the longest time, but goddammit, whenever I make a joke, it should not make me rude (aside from the Jewish ones of course, but I know my limits).  As i said before, I am an opinionated kid who does not take sides.  If I ever picked between Hassan over you on a debate, it would be because has a better point than you did.  Besides, why would I be biased?  I've known the two of you for four years now and I know we as a cohesive unit could take over the school and start a revolution.  

Okay, I'm losing focus.

Continually speaking of rude, you are way more rude than I am, despite my tendencies to be immature.  Tell you this much: you do not have to avoid me at all, which apparently you have been doing for the past several years now.  You also come off as that, with the part of the crowd that you hang out with, along with your incessant complaints of your shitty life.  Your complaints in my world can be solved with a turn of a wrench.  You want a shitty problem?  Live the three years before I left the Philippines for the States.  That is a problem.

I'll end this note in a not so positive tone.  Once again, I am reiterating the fact that I regret as to what happened to the past between us, and some may know what it is.  HIgh school does not change or should not change people in a negative way, but sadly for you, it did.  With that, I'm going to say that I regret wasting my time knowing you, or for that matter, liking you.

Yahoo.

Those little fuckers called the SAT essays should have a longer duration for writing time more than 25 minutes. Yes, I am bitter because I was in the middle of writing a good essay, and there was no time limit warning that was provided. I simply thought that was bullshit, and my essay would look like this, if anything.

"Are quick decisions just as good as well thought out decisions?"

Picture it. A tennis match between the two greatest players of all time: Roger Federer, and Pete Sampras. Two mighty players with completely opposite styles: Federer relying on longer rallies through his fluid movenent, while Sampras blitzing his opponent with his serve-and-volley style of play. In the game of tennis, both of these styles, like decisions in the game of life are like double edged swords: beneficial at times, harmful at times.

A perfect example of a quick decision that has not worked out is the future . I am a college peer counselor for my school, and everytime I call someone up and ask what they are planning to do after this year, they say that they "just want to go to college" without any certainty as to colleges to go to, or awareness of the college application process, or the financial matters of the subject itself (that's why I am there for). People who make quick decisions such as those are usually based on emotion, where the person only desires to do what he or she wants, as long as he or she gets to do it, not aware of the consequences of the action that is desired to be done.

However, a good, quick decision has it's own benefits as well. For example, the SAT's. The SAT is a multiple choice test that can cause a lot of trouble for people due to it's frequent decision making process that sometimes makes them doubt. However, with a certain awareness of questions that are asked there, they should know as what they should answer, and what they shouldn't answer, since they know the consequences of a wrong answer, or four of them for that matter. This method often is a good quick decision, as to it might (not will) give people a better chance at getting the highest score possible, and if they do, these people would know that they have done something right (which I hope I have done it as well)

A well thought out decision is similar to that of an Iron Chef dish. Yes, it's true. A well thought out Iron Chef dish recieves accolades from the judges who are judging it, and might want the recipe later. Some people say that people on Iron Chef just "wing it" after they find out the secret ingredient, which is actually not true. These chefs, the Iron, and the competitor, gets ten minutes to think of five dishes that can possibly be done from the secret ingredient. Once again, one might say that this is "winging it", but it's not. The main difference between these chefs, and the kids that I peer counsel is that these chefs have a rather vast knowledge of food, that they can make out quick decisions, and in the end, it is plausible and well thought out as to the kids who have no knowledge at all whatsoever about the college that they want to go to, or where it is for that matter, and that already proves this point.

As previously mentioned, decisions, even well thought out ones are harmful. I remember watching the Top Chef finale once, and a judge asked a contestant as to if she had a solid plan coming into the finale, and said she did not for the reasons that if she did have a solid plan to make a certain dish for the finale, and the finale site did not have the ingredients that she desired for that certain dish, then she is screwed. She was smart for making that decision, and she eventually won the title of Top Chef: Stephanie Izard.

Overall, in the last at bat of the season for the Chicago Cubs, Alfonso Soriano "quickly" decided that he should swing the bat, and it was a slider. He check swings it, and screws the Cubs out of the World Series. If anything, I am going for the Dodgers in the playoffs, because i decided to like the color blue when I was a kid, but it doesn't stop me from being a bitter cardinals fan.

And with that, I say screw the SAT's once again, and like the Chicago Cubs in the playoffs, I am OUT.

The Worst Audible Ever.

A single death is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.

- Joseph Stalin

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FIrst off, I would like to thank Mr. Mernin for having that quote in his room, or else I wouldn't be able to use it tonight.

This quote by Joseph Stalin is very true. The death of millions is a statistic. As I type this blog, today is the day that we remember the attacks on both the World Trade Center, The Pentagon, and some empty lot in Philadelphia.

I remember the day that this happened. I came home from basketball practise, and my dad said "fucking terrorists". 

The news was buzzing about this story. CNN, NBC, ABC. All reporting names of the people who died, the number of people who died, the specific person who called 911 before she died. The possiblities of why this would happen and what would happen next.

On the other side of the quote, a single death is a tragedy. The people who were statistics to the many viewers of the news have realized that some members of their family were officially gone.

Dead. 

They knew that they were gone from this world. Nothing can bring them back.

Not even a prayer.

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Like 9-11 itself, I didn't see this one coming, and just by coincidence, it was about death.

This person has had his parents died in two Aprils, a year separate.

Not that I've had any of my parents die, but I'm pretty sure that when this happens, people tend to call a huge audible in their life.

It's like, making a shotgun play with an I formation play. with ten seconds left on the clock in the fourth quarter. 

In the superbowl, no less

I know, what moron of a coach would call that kind of play?

The point of that analogy is that, it is definitely complicated, and it can make or break a career.

Some people tend to sink quicker than the Titanic and lean on the bad side making bad decisions themselves, thinking that without parents, there is no support system.

HOWEVER!

Some people tend to find strength in themselves to swim up, not get sucked in the metaphorical darkhole that is nothing but grief and sadness, adapt quickly, move on in their lives, knowing that they are going to have a good future at the end of the road.

However, again, it does not necessarily mean that this person has not had a rocky road in doing so.

According to this person, they believe that it was luck that helped them out. But that's only the part of it.

The latter, I believe is a desire to live longer, happier. 

This person believes that there's a hell lot going on around and this person does not want to miss out on it because of a very tragic event.

Basically, if this person wants to tell the story to other people and want something for people to not wallow in that memory, it would be this:

The memory lives, but there are a lot of memories to be made still

Not Now.

I first would like to mention that the Mincing project is temporarily postponed for the lack of quality in its blogs. Therefore, I will delete all the previous ones, as it's not to my standard, and some, I just don't want to read again.

But in recent news, Olympics started last Friday, and USA is leading in the medal count, even though China has more Golds than we do.

Oh well, I know USA will pwn the medal count, as well as the gold count itself.

As for the latter, here it is:

Recently, a friend of mine, I should say had his recent realizations in life, and I thought, it was about time I had a moment of silence with myself, and do the same thing as well. Like many other people, and some bedrooms, my life has a lot of stuff in it that needs to be fixed, and I just don't know where to begin either.

Besides my blog that specifically points of my problem not living my life to the fullest (you can check it out, it's called I've Never, and it's here for you in my Facebook Notes section to read), I have not pointed out every single one of my flaws through Facebook notes. And even if I did, I probably would have a ton of them, and Facebook probably would deprive me of my right to write (homonyms suck). 

I hate to point things out, because that's not the type of person that I am, but I believe in two things.

1. Most people are the root of the problem.
2. People have had the same problems as any other person you see everyday.

I believe that most people are the root of the problem because of Jealousy. A lot of people these days, I would say are more privileged than others, which results in some people getting what they want, and some people either having to wait for it, or gut it out if they wanted something.

I, unfortunately am one of those many people who have to gut it out if they wanted something. As much as I hate to say it, I AM jealous of what people have, because I think I've been doing what I've been doing lately, and I don't see anything coming out of it. It's not that I'm making excuses for myself for my inactivity, or whatnot, but I think this is the jealous part of me lashing out my grievances.

No, I'm not having a bad night, I just want to say what's on my mind, and somewhat procrastinate for my paper in AP Lit.

My second point, is that a lot of people have had the same problems as us, no matter how we look at it. Yes, even babies have had the same problems, and they don't even know about it either.

This is why, it sometimes irks me that we see shows like Maury, Jerry Springer, and Dr. Phil. These shows make other people look better, when they're not. I believe that the Jerry Springer audience, besides their desire to show their dicks and tits for Jerry beads, have been cheated on, or had a fucked up life at a point in a period of their lives (thus the base of the show itself). Therefore, the only thing that these TV shows do is that they get a time slot and money out of it, and making people lose their self respect. 

A lot of people do not want to admit that they have a problem, because they have a lot of self confidence. They think that they can get through something without help, and it's seriously biting them in the ass as we speak. 

I was this type of person before, but I realized that I will become what I want to be right now someday, but now is not the right time. 

On my jealousy problem, I'm somewhat over it now. I'll just do what I'm supposed to do tomorrow, and hopefully pull it off the way I want to.


One more thing.

GO USA.
(and Philippines.)

Comet Pride Crashing Down.

I realized that during my three years in Westchester, that we had it really made.

For the record, I am totally being sarcastic.  I believe that the Class of 2009 at Westchester has been the guinea pigs of many administration's many wacky experiments, as well as being the butt of a possible joke.  

I believe and observe a lot of things, and this is some that I have seen from the past years.

1.  I believe that there was no Student Council in Westchester.  Even if there was one, they seemed to be not the right people, as I have not seen one single improvement in our school.  If anything, I've only seen things get worse, as there were more fights, more junk food in our vending machines, and here's the kicker:  Expensive prices for a rinky-dink granola bar.  The worst part is that, if there was a president of a student council in Westchester, Either he or she has misrepresented us totally, and just fucked us students over by a lot of other things following this one.

2.  We have lost a lot of administration over the years.  Some of the teachers and administration that left, I either previously knew, or I currently respected as a real elder.  In my freshman year, I got Mr. Paulino as my Counselor, and as I know it, as few people know him, and probably concerned, Mr. Paulino was actually a chill guy.  Yes, although I did have to run an errand for him once, which I didn't mind doing (I actually did, it was summer), it was worth it, as we gained respect and a good relationship as well, as things SHOULD BE!  Unfortunately, Mr. Paulino left after a year to pursue his career in acting.  And from the last time I heard about him, he was having a show of some sort.  We then acquired a counselor by the name of Ms. Traina.  I didn't actually meet her until I needed a change in my classes, and the rumor was right: She was what people said she was (I would leave it as that, but ask me if you want an image).  Throughout two years, she's given me recommendation letters, even though my stupid self asked them last minute, and I am very appreciative of that.  To hear that she is or might be leaving devastates me again, not only because of the fact that I lost a good recommendation letter, but because I have possibly a new counselor that I have to adapt to, and I fear that he or she might not be welcoming as the other two, but we all got to give them a chance, or two.

3.  In our junior years, we have been presented by the four by four.  Basically, four classes for four quarters.  What happens here is, that we get screwed over two classes, and gain more credits for one if we ever needed them.  It just so happens that I take two AP's, and for some people, three and the slots left were nothing else to be happy about either.  Because of this, athletes have been trying to cope with more homework, than with less.  Because of this fast system, it seems like there are lower grades than usual.  This is why, it belongs to colleges for a reason.

4.  In my years of staying here, I have had different teachers for different subjects.  As much as I love meeting new people and the whole concept of it, but please actually give me a teacher that does know his or her stuff. Also, please give the students teachers with proper hygiene.  As much as I love hotdogs, I don't want to smell it in school while learning.  It's just not right.  And if that were the case, everything would be different in my transcript right now.  And effort doesn't even factor here anymore.  A lot of people had to survive by themselves because of these so called transitions, and I'm one of the many people who couldn't adapt to an audible.

5.  The architecture of the school is starting to look really shitty to me.  Mess is all over the school, and Knights and Ladies had a hell of a time going back and forth to the library just to return books, because there were no ramps for carts involved, and if there were one, it's near a stair somewhere.  As much as I love steps, if there is no paveway for returning books to the library, simply because there was an assumption that they were "beautiful and responsible" Comets, then have yourself a good laugh, then maybe a thought for a proposition of reconstructing.

6.  We get charged for Pep Rallies.  Seriously?  I thought Pep Rallies are for free, to get us fired up and everything. Apparently, it takes one dollar to light a fire inside, and I mean that in both ways.  (Match boxes cost a buck a piece, and our pep rallies are held in the gym, and you pay one dollar to get fired up.).  The sadder part is that not all of the school participates in Pep Rallies even though they were free in the past.  

7.  Another one for the student council.  I never saw a formal debate at Westchester for their respective positions.  The fact that these formal political process never was demonstrated in my years of stay there, it's just pathetic, and it tells me that this is a popularity contest, and not hearing about what it is right, or wrong.

There are a lot in my mind still, but I'll let them linger until I get it really gelled up.

Good morning for now, and here's hoping you read, and sympathize.  Actually, have a good laugh.  Even though I'm proud to be a Comet, I'm not proud of the stuff that they do.

Treasure Hunt

It's really funny that sometimes, when we lose our things and try to find them, we find something else.  That was today's case for me in one or two occasions today.

One of the things that I lost is my summer homework for AP English, although I don't know if I would be doing it or not, because I'll be busy with the other extracurriculars that I have in mind. The assigned homework is in this piece of white paper, folded somewhere.  And because of it's malleability, I tend to put it somewhere in my books as a bookmark, and so when I tried to find it, I raided all the books that I could, assuming that it is there.  When I got into my Sherlock Holmes book, I found something that I would describe, somewhat heart shattering, as I found the pamphlet, or brochure (whichever works) for the death of my aunt.  (I am reminding myself to throw it away).  It just reminds me why so far, I am having a trauma of driving in the freeway, and driving just in general (although I know I am a darn good driver myself).  I don't know, but all it does is creep me out and nothing else, and it's not even funny... Brr.

The second thing that I was looking for is a job application that I have not filled out (which I should have a long, long time ago).  I don't know why this is, but I just love filling applications out these days, despite the time that it takes to do them, which is a pretty long time (fifteen minutes, or five... depends on where you're at).   Sigh, I am still jobless, and I need to get a new keychain and some keys duplicated, or else I will be on house arrest because I have no gate keys, and there is no way in hell that I am climbing that thing every time.

As of now, I still am currently lost in thought about the whole job situation, but I'm not finding anything about it.  I'll do what I can do tomorrow, and see what happens, I guess.

A Fresh Supply

First of all, I am very happy to say that Rafael Nadal could be the new number 1 in the tennis world this week, or later on sometime in August.  It's guaranteed either way, but then again, the news have the weatherman.

Second, I am also happy to say that I edited my resume.  I don't know why I should be happy about this, but I think it's far major improvement from the last one that I made.  If I may say so myself, you can pick up dog crap with it, and people will read the essay and notice the crap in it, not on it.  Or did I just get my prepositions wrong?

Third, I am also also happy that I am getting my blogs out there.  I've been procrastinating on putting these blogs out simply because I am surrounded by tons of nonsense around me every night, thus not giving me a chance to actually do what I have to do.

Speaking of which...

I've noticed lately that I've been writing blogs without respect to anyone.  I've been writing in a style that screams Barry Bonds (which is a substitute for "Me against the World" - By the way, it's also a great Tupac song.  By the way, it is also not Alex Rodriguez, because he is only hated by the New York Media right now for the Madonna issue, unless he too took 'roids.)

I sincerely apologize for those who I have attacked with my words, whoever recognizes themselves or not.  These words were fueled with hate, and a couple of warm milks at one in the morning, and when I'm sleepy, I'm the equivalent of a drunk who can either be totally honest and spill it all out, or just be a madman.

I have been having a thought of going all out in my senior year, as previous blogs have mentioned it.  The thing is, even though there is the thought, the execution of the plan is unknown.  To me, as much as I would love to go all out, I would want to set my limits to my "going all out" agenda, where it is fun, but it is safe, but extreme (I know, rather paradoxical), such as that I want to go all out, but I don't have to drink, smoke, have sex individually, or simultaneously on the same night on the same place.  In all seriousness, I don't think that going all out that way benefits anybody.  It only hurts people.  And it can hurt relationships, in a really really bad way.

Proof?  See Jerry Springer and/or Maury.  Last time I was channel surfing, it was eleven in the morning at channel five.

As of now, this risk-taking lifestyle for me is new.  No, I'm not talking about risk-taking like bungee jumping or skydiving, but it's simply one of those things where one has the "high-risk and and high-reward" situations, where I usually was more passive compared to being more risky.

To tell anyone the truth, I didn't want to release this blog to anyone, or to write one publicly to start with.  I only started writing notes on Facebook because I was depressed at the time and I simply hate to cry as well because I hate looking like a jackass and I didn't want to sleep on a wet pillow.  

Unfortunately for me, one of my emotion-laden notes was recognized by Quemars Ahmed the Great (I swear, I'd better get credibility for this, Q), and told me to start a blog, just for the hell of it, and he kept telling me it was legit.

Since there's no way in saying no to Q even though he's like fifty miles away, and the lack of more productive things to do, I started writing this blog, and I must say that this is one of my best decisions in my life, which right now is probably second or third to joining YnG and deciding to be a chef.

With this blog, I believe that it beats out writing a handwritten journal.  Even though Americans are uber lazy these days with all the technology and no awareness of the recession that we are going through now (I don't have a job yet, and yes, I have the right or privilege to be bitter), I must give them credit for toughing it out this far, and Internet is like the best creation ever on mankind.  Minus Earth, or course (I believe in God, but I'm not too religious).

With this blog, I get to know people, and their opinions on a lot of stuff that I want to write, or have written already.  Plus, with this one, I wouldn't be the average joe saying "How's the weather" to start a conversation with a woman of my choice.  I would say, "Do you like blogging?"

Like that Twix commercial, everyone needs a moment.

  

Goodbye to you?

It's funny that I'm writing these blogs now as if I got out of high school and letting the world have it with my possible nonsense.

In all actuality, now that I think about it, it reminds me of Max Keeble's big move, where he basically is doing everything that he could possibly do before his family moves away from the place he's currently staying.  Then in the end, it doesn't work... Or does it?

Just watch the movie yourself.  It's usually a good waste of two hours especially if you have nothing to do in your life.  Or it could put you to sleep.  Either way, it's a movie, which like many others, gets an opinion put on by somebody.

Just like other people.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I write like I cry.  I go all out.  Criticize me for this, but believe me.  If I had a label sticker in this blog, it would be both "Beware - Caution Ahead" and "Aware - Writer knows what he wants to talk about".

I already knew writing this blog will gain me some friends or readers, and it will lose me some friends, readers or possibly a loved one as well.  Writers out there are like the mental X-Gamers of this world.  They take their risks, do whatever it is comfortable for them, and if they ever land it right, everyone will celebrate, and those who ever not land it right are simply fucked.

Like many people say, No Pain, No Gain.

Tonight, I start this blog from a thought that is still fresh of my mind.

The thought of being single my whole life still bothers me, although other belief says it's better that way.  Hell, I won't really know.

I've stuck liking girls my whole life, and that's about it.  

Speaking of liking....

I've liked this one girl for quite a time now simply because I know that I can talk to her personally about anything, although sometimes, we might have our quiet moments because I'm just too busy doing something else.  And it sucks.  The problem is, I've asked her out quite a few times now in the most ridiculous ways possible, and I have gone nowhere except south.  The other problem is, now that everytime I talk to this person, it seems that me trying to impress her just makes me another one of those guys who say, or do something pathetic just to impress a woman.  The way that I think about it, It's just not my style, and I'm slowly realizing how bad of an ass I look like at this moment in time.  If this was the case, why am I wasting around my time looking like an ass, when I could be someone else's shining knight and armor?

I know, that last line was cheesy.... 

The second girl that I've liked is a back and forth situation.  I don't know what this is all about either, but I like her because of her potential.  I truly believe that this person is one of the nicer people I would meet in my life, only if one gave her a chance.  A lot of people believe that she is a bitch, and because of it, no one gives her a chance.  I really want to ask her out, but the fear of rejection is on the way, and I have had no chance to know her whatsoever.  So really, what's the point of doing it?

The third girl that I like is definitely one of the nicest people you and I can ever meet.  This person is something that I like in someone: smart, charming, easy to talk to, and pretty.  The problem is, just like the second person, I have had no chance to know this person either.  And from the history books, and past information, the fear of rejection is also there, and the chances of making myself an ass increases a hundred more percent.

To The Reader: If you know who these three people are, including yourself (if plausible), then, I have said whatever I have felt, and some left unwritten for the lack of a better description in my head.  Whether or not I have made myself a hero or a goat in this one, it's nice to see something in my head to be produced into something like this.

And one last note, if the person knows who they are, I hope this is not goodbye.

Stir-Fry

I've been watching Detective Conan for the past two hours, simply because my cousin decided to be a jackass and hide the games that I usually play on his PlayStation.

And I must say that it has been a good time watching it.

Today's episode that I watched on was a three part series.  It was about this house that is known for puppeteering, and it had a curse in it.  It's a long story, so if you ever do care to watch it, go to to this site and look for Detective Conan, episodes 165-168... or something like that.

I must say that not playing play-station in this time doesn't really suck at all as I thought it would be.  After all, I've lived my whole life here without the game system until recently, about five or six months ago, or less.  I forget.  Although I know it was a drunken night for a cousin that later led on to a screaming battle within our house, and I'm sure as hell that I do not want to talk about it.

I've been thinking lately these days about my future.  Only because two people (let's leave their names anonymous, but I'm pretty sure they know who they are)  are making me think about it.

And to think about it, it's only summer.

I always remembered saying during my freshman year that I will get into colleges like UCLA, and I'll be competing for the valedictorian spot during my high school years.

Apparently, I myself have seen too many high school movies and tried to emulate the social (or possibly wanna be) popular dude who was chill with everyone around him.  And because of that, my dreams of becoming a bruin or a bear (what's the difference, seriously) along with the aspiration of being a Ph. D went down the drain.

Yes sir, that quick.  Scary, right?

Yes again, but wait.

Thinking about it these days, being the socialite that I wanted to be, or trying to be right now has gotten me far, although it won't get me to Westwood or Berkeley.  Being the socialite that I am now actually turned my life around three hundred and sixty degrees (I am typing in the dark here and I just am too lazy to type out numbers.  Cope with me here).

First, I "accidentally" gave myself around Westchester as D-Man.  Mark says that he gave me the nickname through "El Hombre" from Gallego's class, but I remember taking it from Drake and Josh - the show, yes - and seeing what happens with it if I actually stuck with it. I actually typed it first as my myspace name, then I added Nik with it.  

I guess, that's how it started, and as I was typing that, I just started to remember some things... Thanks, Nik.

About the "El Hombre" thing, Mark's brain is a little woohoo from the stuff that he has done in the past.  Hell, he couldn't even remember his locker combination.  Funny man you, Mark.

The second thing is that I had an aspiration of becoming a Chef.  I am so glad that I don't sleep when my mom tells me to go to sleep, or I wouldn't have seen the pilot of Top Chef.  Then, after the pilot of that, I just got hooked into cooking shows like Iron Chef, Good Eats, and all other shows that Food Network has to offer.

Because of my newfound passion for food, I actually started a gig to cook for my friends on their birthdays.  Unfortunately, the gig only lasted a couple of people because of my lack of financial funds and good equipment.  Because of it, I also made a couple of friends as well, that they actually gave me an ingredient to cook with even though I wasn't serious about it.

By the way Bita, I still owe you one, and I still have some of your red curry powder left. 

(I finally figured out what it is!)

Then, cooking became my mistress.  I decided to join the cooking class and actually try and show off on what I can do, which unfortunately, a person who one can say they love to hate, blocked my abilities due to her bitchiness and the whole package.  In the class, my teacher told me about C-Cap, and when I entered it, it became serious.

I was one of the five people who were going to the competition, supposedly, until the day that the preliminaries came, I was the only one left.  I am proud to say that I sliced and diced, and tossed a couple eggs for an opportunity to go to New York, which I unfortunately did not get, which made me shed a tear or two, or ten.  

Yes, ladies, men do have emotions.

With that said, I believe that life is like cooking.

Anything you can add to your life, and make it better.

Anything you can add to your life, can make it worse as well.

You can never take out what you already put in the pan.  You always can only add.

Sometimes, the heat is low, and sometimes the heat is high.

A lot of times, when people first make a dish, it never comes out as perfect as they want it to 

be. After a couple more times, everything is in harmony by itself.

A lot of times, when you don't have an ingredient, you have to compromise.

A lot of times, when people see some ingredients that don't belong together, they give it a bad reaction.  Once they try it, they are okay with it. And sometimes, they come back for more.

A lot of times when people burn pastry it's because they've been in the oven for too long.

A lot of times, people don't want certain ingredients because they have not used it at all, or they are simply afraid of it.

And I could go on forever.

My point is, everyone loves food.  It's not only fun to eat, but it's also fun to make.

Ask a lot of people.  It's time consuming, and it beats the hell out of playing videogames.

And with that, I quote the Chairman, which his uncle says this words upon you:

Allez Cuisine.

Candy Bar

First off, my shoutout for this morning belongs to my morning buddy, Bita.

For one, she's a good chatter to be with in one in the morning, and I predict that she will make a great shrink if she ever decides to be one.  She knows what I am talking about.

At this time of night, I just washed my face because I thought it was quite oily.

How oily, you ask?

Squeeze oil out of me, and you can make fried chicken out of it.  Mmm. Fried Chicken.

Then I asked Bita(thus her being my inspiration for the night): Do you know how much fun it is to clean your face?  Then we went into a short conversation, and I'm now here typing this whole thing.

At the conversation, one question popped out of my head: Some guys don't clean their faces.  That's just gross, to begin with, and second, it's one of those many things that girls think that guys would not do because guys are guys.  Come on guys, even you know it yourselves.

I know, excessive use of the word.  Maybe that's why I didn't pass my AP english exam...  Dammit. I'm still bitter.

Here's something that I believe in.  I know, as sad and pathetic as it may sound, I think that I'm a walking model of what women don't believe that guys would do.

Okay, that sounds wrong, and I hope no guy ever does me.  And for the record, I am not a homophobe.

What I mean by that is the things that I do.  Some guys wouldn't let's say, want to cook for a living unless they got a sensitive side or a creative one. I don't know, really.  It can be their masochistic belief that cooking is for girls, and all that bullcrap.  I don't care, really.  If you know how to make Mac and Cheese out of a box, A thumb up to you.  If you know how to make grilled cheese without a toaster, two thumbs up to you.  If you can treat me to a restaurant and I don't have to pay, I love you.

And by the way, no homo.

Another thing that guys don't want to do is to dress up.  I know, back then most guys were ickied out because of girls playing dress up, but the funny thing is, some guys out there (metrosexuals are the more correct term, I suppose)  dress better than some women these days.  Hell, I don't know how these guys can afford fifty dollars per shirt at AnF but, damn.  If i had that kind of money, I'd go to Target and Raid their shirts.

I like dressing up, but Target is so much cheaper, and if I did have that money, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go shopping.

Fortunately, my birthday is coming up... YAY!

I know, for someone who's turning 18, I sound rather immature.

The third thing that women think guys would do is to watch a chick flick.  

For starters, I have a thing for chick flicks.  Don't ask me why, and I don't know if being single all my life factors into it.  I've been wanting to see Made Of Honor when it came out, and today, I just saw Wimbledon, and it was like an action movie with all the matrix in it, and the love story was cute.

But seriously, I just think that most of the female actors in chick flicks are cute.

Kirsten Dunst?

Yeah... I Know.

So I guess, it's not only females who look for sexy actors after all in movies.

The bottom line is, some guys are like Milky Ways:  They're chocolatey tough on the outside, and they are caramel-y smooth inside.

Either way ladies, when you get your men, you always get the best of both worlds.  They do everything you want to do, even if they say no.  They just appear to be macho because their simplistic minds seems like it's the only way to turn you all on.

One more thing about the Milky Ways.  When you get it, don't look at the calories, it's a turnoff.

Besides, if you eat the milky ways, you get the baggage that it carries, then you just got to work it off.  Or in this case, work it out.

I Never

First off, thanks to Quemars Ahmed The Great - as he claims himself to be for tonight's topic.

A rather brief description of I Never.

I never was introduced to me in YnG this spring conference. Basically, a crowd of people gather around in a circle, and one is left in the center, and the person in the center says something that they have never done before, like "I never had cookies" even though it's a pile of crap.

Others play it where they just sit their asses down and take turns saying they've never done a certain thing, and people with their two hands up remove one finger if they've done a certain thing.

Hey. we did it this way.

One thing I found interesting though: Women have done more shit in their lives than men ever have... accumulatively as a gender race thing.

Or maybe, in some areas.

I remember watching a bunch of girls play "I never" on a party, and for some reason they decided to play the horny - for the lack of a better term - way. I mean, they were firing stuff like, I've never slept naked, wear tightie whities and all that. And some people just put fingers down like Jason Bourne was sniping down one target after another.

Yep. It's that amazing.

I'm simply amazed on how many things these people have done in their lives, compared to me, who considers himself a very daring person who is very much open to party with a keg somewhere down in cancun without spending a buck, or just chilling down watching midnight shows in comedy central, or just typing a blog like this in general. 

I'm not sure about the keg part, pardon me. But yes, I consider myself quite an adventurous one.

I realized that in my eighteen years of living, I could have done stuff that I couldve done way earlier in my life, like finding leagues or tournaments to play on, playing an instrument, getting a girlfriend, and everything else in between.

Now Stop. Are you the same person as I am? In certain situations? In some situations? 

Most of us are most likely are. The question now becomes "Why?"

One of the most common answer is is that we're scared. That's right folks, we're scared shitless to do something, only because you know the person right beside you will go against you on this decision.

Reality Check, people. Everyone's a critic.

And because people are critics, they try to make you side with them, which these people who critique you believe that their choices are much more sensible than yours. I don't blame them either, because I'm one of those people who will question one's decision in the beginning, but if I see the heart and the determination in someone that they can pull it off, then I believe in them and stop questioning them, and in return, I get a good relationship out of this person, as well as a future gift somewhere down my timeline of living.

The bottom line is this, as I don't like to mince my words much:

A lot of people are scared to do shit because they're afraid of the consequences.

A lot of people are scared to do shit because they think they're going to be hated for it for going with their hearts instead of their heads.

A lot of people are scared to do shit because they think they're not going to fit in anywhere.

Therefore, in contrast:

The opposite of these three tend to be more successful people. These people are more bold, and are never afraid to stand out. These people are more fun, because they are willing to take risks. These people are also the more sensible people because they go with what their heart says, and not the advice of other people.

I'm never one to preach, but if we all did the things that we wanted to do in life, an "I never" game could be even more interesting beyond belief.

Finding Ms. Right

Ladies and Gentlemen, today, I speak about one of the many things that I haven't talked about in like... forever?

That means my whole life, just for the record.

I have been single seventeen years and fifty something days.

That means, my whole life, once again, just for the record.

Now, by a show of hands, or comments, who cares?

I could probably see none caring about this issue. That's right, my blogs have eyes as well. You just can't see it.

Being single is like probably the most awesome time in my life(as I've been), but from what I've heard, and what I've seen in the nature of most women these days, I often see them as prima donna figures who either worry about their hair or figure too much that they spend so much time in the bathroom that if they ever had a boyfriend who needed to take a piss, they might have watered their plants that would last for a good week or so, if possible.

Of course, we all know that we the people are different, man and woman, and woman and woman,and man and man. Some people that I have met, compared to the previous major prima donnas mentioned, are now ones that are too independent that they are no pushovers, and would just not be laid back for one bit. If you have ever seen an episode of Saved By The Bell, a perfect example of this is Jessica Spano.

With that introduction given, the next question shall, or will be, why don't I have a significant other? (BF's and GF's piss me off to the core)Let's see. Besides me having a good amount of shyness not to ask a girl out, it's probably because there's not a lot out there for me to pick on.

Or maybe, I'm just providing an excuse.

Okay, fine, I'll admit to the shyness part, as for everyone who has met me will believe that I am one of the shyest people they'll ever meet (unfortunately, for some of those who have had other first impressions of me, they thought that I was bubblier than a recently popped champagne bottle). The fact of the matter is, I can't seem to find the right person to ask out. Even if I did, once again, my shyness would kick in, and it would just turn them off, then my ego's down, then dun dun, gotta stack and build em up like a lego tower like a three year old was building it: Built to perfection, but somewhat feeble.

I remember someone asking me (way back) on what kind of a person did I want from my potential S.O (recall that BF's and GF's piss me off to the core): Every common person would say that you would want somebody that matches your personality. That's true, but knowing the person that I am, this person is hard to find.

I just want the person that I can be comfortable talking with. Everything else comes after.

Is that too much for ask? Seriously? God?

The point of the matter is that every guy has their own preferrences. Some guys are boob guys, some of them are butt guys, and don't get me wrong, both parts are comfortable, but if there's one that one part that will comfort you for a long time, it would always be the company of that person that you know you can always talk with because you know and I know that the person will have so much in common with you, that it will never be boring.

The best part yet? Trust never sags.

And ladies, don't give me any sympathy.