Winner At A Losing Game

After recovering some sense, I've finally made a decision about everything.

A week ago, my emotions decided that I wanted to have a shot at my second Sacramento as an Intern. My brother kept telling me to not do it and focus on what I have and what's ahead of me, but I didn't listen as I didn't have my grip on reality then.

As the deadline for the second year application is coming up, I have made my final decision.

I have decided that I will not come back, as much as Tom wants to see my application in his mailbox.

The reason why this is is that I believe that it will be very expensive for both my wallet and body, considering that the nearest airport in Poughkeepsie is at least seventy miles away, plus plane rides back and forth. Combining all those would nearly cost me two paychecks that I am earning now at minimum wage. Also it would really screw up my system adjusting to two time zones, along with the lack of sleep that comes with these conferences.

The other reason is perfectly stated by Former Colonel Pratt: He states that he avoided first years on purpose for the reason that if he knew us on a personal level this year, he would stay attached to the program and would not be able to leave. I feel the same as I've met an amazing group of people these last six months, and it would not be the same as half of the first years are gone, seventy five percent of the second years gone, and a hundred percent of the third years gone. It would be like taking 90 percent of my mise-en-place out for my Mardi Gras Special and replacing it with something else: While it is delicious, it's not the same nor it it is what I had intended to serve.

During our last half hour session, we went a half hour over. I told J.P that it was time to let them go. We gave them their cue, but they insisted that we stayed together for as long as time permits it. They didn't care. We talked about our experiences in our first Sacramentos over valentines day candy and took group pictures. In the end, we eventually had to go, hugged it out. My kids wished me good luck, and I told them that I was proud of their willingness to step up in terms of maturity and responsibility.

That moment alone reminded me of why I wanted to come back. That feeling of love from people four years my junior, wishing me luck in the future, wishing me to come back and it would not be the same for them without me in it.

I felt invincible, and that I was on top of the world.

If I were to come back, I would be a winner at a losing game as if I did come back as a second year, I would be trying to achieve or even top the memory of that stated above. I just could not see myself doing it.

In overall, I would like to thank the Intern Staff, the Interns themselves, as well as my forum kids. You guys were the silver lining during my six month wait prior to leaving to New York, and when I head out there in about two months or so, I am proud to say that there are at least sixty more people who I can turn to in times that I truly need it.

Anything I say after this is simply injustice. Therefore:

Seacrest, Out.

I mentioned on a Facebook status one day that making a blog regarding Sacramento now would be empty words.  At the time though, the hype did not hit me yet.

Times change.

One of my co-workers told me today that we had a meeting on Thursday.  I said I had to go to Sacramento.  She asked me if it was a vacation.  I replied saying "kinda-sorta".

Counting however many days off I have left aside, I'm worried about something else:  My forum kids not being prepared, me having to be responsible for them, or the overall experience of this Sacramento itself as it is totally different coming back as a first year intern.

*moment of silence*

After that, I really have nothing to say.  It's what my inner orator has in my mind all day while prepping, and good portions of it should come out during the friendship service, sans laptop.

Within ourselves lies a great orator.  However, once process of reciting our speeches is in action, we seem to hold back as we find flaws on our voice whether it is an accent, twang, break or any other deficiency mentioned.

Orators in the sense of the word are people who harmonizes a thousand words together and make it a masterpiece to be remembered.  As mentioned above, we all have the ability to do it as some show it classically, while some do it uniquely.

Therefore, what is the purpose of this post?  To rant?  

I really don't know.  It's simply one of those nights where eloquence flows like a river, possibly smooth and serene to the reader...

It's good to have one of those nights.