Bitter Binge

If this won't make me feel any better, I don't know what will.

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I definitely understand how mothers tend to say "That could have been you" - it's an achievement, pride thing, I guess.  But this specific one doesn't really apply to any of that.

I remember going home on a Sunday from church, with my mom asking me if I had to go somewhere today, and I said yes.  I said, I was going to my friend's event.  And she(my mom) asks if I'm with her (in a relationship), I simply said no.  And she said, "Oh, I thought she was going to be with you, why didn't you go for it? Did you get beat?"

My first thought:  WHAT THE FUCK.

I wanted to say it, right there and then, but I didn't want to do it on her favorite day, and on a four day weekend.  That would suck major balls, and I just don't want to pull an Aubrey.

Ever since then, it somewhat has been awkward for me seeing this person.  Awkward, but I can be mature about it, have a good conversation, but every now and then, I start thinking to myself:   I did get beat to it.

In fact, why do I even care?

Here's my second thought:  I remember Dakota was telling stories in the bus, and he's said this one where you "do" some girl one night, and when you're in the beach doing your thing, and she runs off, waves to you, you ask yourself "why did you do that?"

Same situation applies to me currently, but I didn't do someone in the process (thankfully), but it makes me remember one night, where I'm forced to be satisfied with it, because of memories captured in paper, or posted in facebook, and whatnot.

Not saying that I was satisfied with it, but, it somewhat didn't feel like the way I wanted it.  I'm not a perfectionist, but there is a side of me where I want to feel good as to what I'm doing, whether if it is halfassed or not.

Even if I did get the date that I wanted, and some people know who it is, and maybe she knows herself as to who she is - there is no point to satisfaction.  I might have gotten the right date, but I didn't do enough, as in pick a crappy corsage, spent too much, bored her to tears - I don't really know the common problems for dating, or "dating", and the whatnot.

Here's my third thought:  Westchester High screwed me over, and I want my fucking refund.

Instead of spending only two hundred dollars on a yearbook and cap and gown, these people, yes, these people advertised senior packages, but not the cap and gown package only.

Either I didn't read the paper right, or they baited and switched me.  I have no freaking idea.

That, or I forgot the other option: They put it in really small print.

Once again, what the flying fuck.

I saw the senior packages, and one is a memory book that looks gay as fuck with some madlibs shit on it.  Really, dude?  That, and it had tickets to senior breakfast and picnic, which as to this day, I'm still raging aobut because I didn't get my package, and didn't go to the breakfast.

And to think, I was so hungry this morning, that I only ate a freaking fast-one bar, or whatever the heck it is with thirtyfive percent amount of fiber for the day bar... still delicious anyway.

I know that I've been enjoying the simple pleasures of life far too much, but living under this concept has screwed me over so many times that I could have banked in on chances, so many chances, that I'm just letting it all out at this point.  

When I said that there is no point to satisfaction, there is no point to satisfaction - it's only temporary, and another problem comes up again to bother and destroy you emotionally to pieces.

Really, can my eighteen days of high school just be up, have my break, and take this dick off my ass temporarily?

Jump Start

Wow, haven't posted in a while...

I remember writing my graduation speech a couple weeks back....

But here's a really quick backtrack:

My congratulations go first to Tobin and Kendra for getting Valedictorian and Salutatorian, respectively.  As a prize for such a prestige, they both get speeches.  To be really honest, I'm somewhat jealous that they get to deliver a speech.

But wait.  Opportunity knocks.  Speech Contest, let's go.

And back to the real post.

I remember writing so many drafts in Kamm's class, how I've tried to backtrack from six or seven years back.  (According to Wolfram Alpha, I have been here six years and fifty two days)

Then, I realized that it didn't work, and instead, I focused on the present, focusing a point in my weekend in Colorado.  (Can't say much, because if this actually gets in, then I get to give a speech! HOOPS!)

I've realized as I was writing this speech was that time flies by so fast that it cannot fit in a two minute speech.  These moments, as much as we want to brag about them, will never get a chance to shine on the big stage, in front of many people, having a laughter or a quick tear.

Moments that lived upon us in eighteen years of our living lives in our hearts.  We program ourselves to keep what we want to keep, what we want to delete, we are programmed permanently to remember some things that turned our lives upside down, three sixty - whichever your favorite expression may be.

That, and the secret to a speech is the secret to good food, or anything good in general:  It comes from the heart.

Jump Start

Wow, haven't posted in a while...

I remember writing my graduation speech a couple weeks back....

But here's a really quick backtrack:

My congratulations go first to Tobin and Kendra for getting Valedictorian and Salutatorian, respectively.  As a prize for such a prestige, they both get speeches.  To be really honest, I'm somewhat jealous that they get to deliver a speech.

But wait.  Opportunity knocks.  Speech Contest, let's go.

And back to the real post.

I remember writing so many drafts in Kamm's class, how I've tried to backtrack from six or seven years back.  (According to Wolfram Alpha, I have been here six years and fifty two days)

Then, I realized that it didn't work, and instead, I focused on the present, focusing a point in my weekend in Colorado.  (Can't say much, because if this actually gets in, then I get to give a speech! HOOPS!)

I've realized as I was writing this speech was that time flies by so fast that it cannot fit in a two minute speech.  These moments, as much as we want to brag about them, will never get a chance to shine on the big stage, in front of many people, having a laughter or a quick tear.

Moments that lived upon us in eighteen years of our living lives in our hearts.  We program ourselves to keep what we want to keep, what we want to delete, we are programmed permanently to remember some things that turned our lives upside down, three sixty - whichever your favorite expression may be.

That, and the secret to a speech is the secret to good food, or anything good in general:  It comes from the heart.